Are you trying to survive a breakup? Maybe you could see it coming. For weeks you endured the fights, the cycle of accusation and denial. But it finally happened -- you've broken up. The person you loved is gone and you feel abandoned.

You sometimes think you're on a never ending merry-go-round. Your life is all about the heartache. You condemn your ex for the things they did, and you condemn yourself for falling for them. It's hard to keep your feelings straight. One minute you long for your ex, then you want to run away and leave them and the pain they caused behind forever.

Do you know how to survive a breakup?

It's not easy to survive a breakup, but it's possible. The bad news is, there is a tunnel, and you're in it. The good news is, there's a light on the other side and you can come out a better, healthier person. You have to have a plan, and you have to make a commitment to yourself to heal. You are worth the time and trouble.

• The first thing to learn when you're surviving a break up is how to accept that it's happening. Whether it's a divorce, a broken engagement, or breaking up a long term relationship, it's not going back the way it was. That's actually a good thing - you don't want to repeat the old patterns that brought you to this painful place.
• For a while, it would be better not to have contact with your ex. It's hard if there are children and visitation involved, but do the best you can. While you're learning to survive the breakup try to be civil when you see your ex, and not have the same fights over and over. Stay calm when you see them and cry later.
• Clean up any financial matters to help when surviving a break up. If you have a joint checking account, work out how to split up the money then close the account. Pay off any loans your ex made you.
• Getting rid of your ex's stuff helps when you're surviving a break up. If necessary, plan an exchange at a time when you both can be calm. Or maybe you can each have a friend do the exchange so you don't have to see each other. Give your friends lists of the things to pick up.
• The things your ex doesn't want back, like old clothes or a toothbrush, should be given or thrown away. If you have gifts from your ex, box them up for a while and put them away. When you're surviving a break up you don't need to be reminded of your ex every day.

The important part of this phase of surviving a breakup is to close out the parts of your lives that you shared. Until you do, you can't let go and move on.

It may be hard to believe when you're surviving a break up, but life gets better. Coping with a broken heart is never easy, but the pain eases as you begin to let the relationship go. Don't be too hard on yourself, and take the time you need. You deserve to be happy. Use this time to rediscover yourself.