It happened, you broke up, and the way you’re coping with breakup is to put on the sad songs and stay in bed. You know you’ll never be happy again. You know you’ll never meet anyone like your ex.

You wonder what’s wrong with you. Why didn’t they love you? You wonder what you did wrong. What could you have done differently that would have kept you together? You wonder how you can go on coping with breakup.

The truth is it may not have been anything you did. Some couples aren’t meant to stay together. You can move on, you can find a better life. But how do you go about coping with a break up right now?

Step 1 - Let yourself grieve.

Give yourself time to grieve, but know that the grief won’t last forever. When you’re coping with breakup you need to feel the loss before you can let it go. Try journaling your feelings – your friends will listen for a while, but you may need more time than they want to give. Your journal will be there for you as long as you need it.

Step 2 - Accept reality.

For now, you’ve broken up. The relationship is done. You can’t continue coping with a break up if you try to get back something you once had. It’s true, you may get back together, but you’ll both be different people and the relationship will be different as well. Say “Amen” to the old relationship and let yourself move on.

Step 3 - Cut off communications.

While you’re coping with breakup stop all communication with your ex. You may be wishing and hoping for a reconciliation. You think if you’re not around they’ll think you don’t care.

The truth is, they’re coping with the breakup too. Remember step 2 – the relationship as it was is done. Cutting off communication is for your benefit, so you can focus on yourself.

You can talk to your ex when you’re past the worst of the grief. Whether you’re saying goodbye or reconciling, you’ll be stronger and a better partner. For now, though, you need to learn to stand alone.

Step 4 - Concentrate on you.

Use this time to concentrate on you. Did you give up some of the things you enjoyed to be a part of the relationship? Now is the time to pick them up again. Is there something you always wanted to learn? Take a class or join a club. You’ll have fun and meet people with the same interests. Did you drop spending time with friends and family to spend time with your ex? Give them a call now, they’d love to hear from you.

All these things will make you feel better and remind you what an attractive, interesting person you are. You have a lot to offer.

Coping with a break up is never easy, but it’s always possible. You may look back on this time as the best growth opportunity in your life. The pain doesn’t last forever, but the growth will. Focus on you for a while – you’re worth it.