Jim and Sharon used to spend every moment with each other, laughing with each other and dreaming of the future. Now the future has arrived, along with children, a mortgage, and lots of bills to pay.

They thought the future would fulfil all their dreams. Instead they wonder if they can save a relationship - or even if saving a relationship is worth the trouble.

Jim works long hours and Sharon doesn’t think he is there for her. She thinks she’s not as important to him as his job, and even wonders if he’s having an affair.

Sharon spends all of her energy meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for him. He wonders what happened to the vibrant, bubbly woman he married.

Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? If you wonder about saving a relationship here are 5 steps to get the process started.

Saving a relationship - step 1

Decide whether the relationship is worth saving. Almost every relationship can be saved, but both parties must want it to work. If one partner opts out there’s not much that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it’s familiar and change seems frightening. Some remain in a marriage because of the children. But that’s not enough – saving a relationship has to start with both partners committing to the idea that the relationship is worth saving.

Saving a relationship - step 2

Pinpoint the problem or problems in the relationship. Most people, when they wonder how to save a relationship, think the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.

For instance, most people would believe an affair is a problem that causes break ups. However, an affair is often a symptom of a deeper problem. Lack of true intimacy in the relationship can lead to a straying spouse. The affair may be a symptom of a problem, but the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy.

You have to deal with the actual problem, not the symptom, to save a relationship. You might be able to make your partner feel guilty enough not to start another affair only to have another symptom, perhaps indulging in internet pornography, pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can start to save a relationship.

Saving a relationship - step 3

Share your thoughts on the core issues. This means both verbalizing his or her own feelings rather than accusing each other of not caring. It means listening to your partner’s concerns.

Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking as a signal that you want to reconnect even in the midst of swirling emotions. You’ll have to talk about the things that hurt you, and the things you say might hurt your partner. Let them know that you’re not trying to hurt them, you’re trying to save the relationship.

Saving a relationship - step 4

Once you understand the problems and can talk about them, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.

For example, if the problem is that you don’t spend as much time together as you used to, plan a date night every week. You might take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together. If lack of communication is the problem then commit to spending 20 minutes alone before bed just talking to one another. Once the plan is made, commit to it and just do it.

Saving a relationship - step 5

Learning how to save a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take three steps forward and two steps back. There will be both laughter and tears. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Is your relationship worth saving? No one can answer that question but you and your partner. But if you're interested in saving a relationship, these 5 steps can help.